Know thyself

I have been married for nearly eight years now. All the while I have wanted children. I am glad we have waited, even though at times the desire can get overwhelming. I married young, I didn't know myself then. I had ideals, but I never understood how I was going to do what I wanted. I am still an idealist, but now after years of life lessons, hardships, and trials I understand how to bring about the sort of life I want.

My husband and I have a great relationship, we are best friends, soul mates. Our marriage is firmly based on respect, great conversation, and mutual submission. Just as when we met some ten years ago, we can talk for hours about everything. We agree on the important stuff and agree to disagree on the little things. We have endured many trials together and are a great team. We have been forged in the fire and have emerged a solid and sharp blade. The foundation is set, stronger than oak or granite, and as beautiful as marble and diamonds.

A few years back I received a promise from God concerning children, "Not yet." A strange promise I grant you, but a promise nonetheless. For this He meant that we will have children someday, but not yet. At that point it was good enough, a great comfort. Now, after hanging onto that promise for many months, I feel the "not yet" is lifted, meaning we are at least allowed to try. And we have tried for some months now. Who knew that something so sought after could become such a stress. Mind you there are a great many other stresses we have going on in life at this point, but a sudden permission to go about the business of procreation is actually stressful. How ironic it all is. I know we are not the first to experience this, nor will we be the last.

In a month the majority of our other stresses will be gone then perhaps we can relax a bit. There are other things to think about in life outside of the stresses. Presently I am focused o creating a summer reading list. I know that there are always more pounds to lose in working out. I am all about character, parenting is more about who you are and less of what you do. We have a good life, whatever one may see. We are not rich, but we have each other and God to bind us together.

I am nearly thirty years old. I know myself, both strengths and weaknesses, I am as ready to be a parent as I can ever be. I have the model marriage, now I want to be the model mama. My only hesitation is that I am not sure I am ready to share my husband.

Put a bag over your head

One day a few years back, I was rather ill and not looking the best. I may be poor, but I do take a bit of pride in looking presentable , even in the privacy of my own home. I asked my husband to go get the mail, a task I enjoy doing myself, and he asked me why I didn't want to do it myself. I told him that there was a man working on the new forced air system in the entry way, and I knew that I did not look my best, being sick and all. He jokingly said, "put a bag over your head."
(And just for the record he did go get the mail for me, and yes we do regularly joke with one another like that. We respect each other enough to never say anything that harsh to the other in a serious manner, ever.)

Now most women would have a fit if their husband said this to them, under any circumstances. I laughed. My husband knows how important it is to me to look well and he understood my insecurity in being seen in that state by this perfect stranger. He was, as we call it "speaking the truth in love." I know my husband loves me more than anything, and he is willing to tell me the truth even if he knows it may hurt a bit at first. I do the same for him. We are very open in our communication and careful to convey thoughts in a way that the other will understand. We rarely fight any more, we discuss. We don't bring up past issues, we don't say things purposely to hurt one another, and we are careful when broaching subjects that have in the past been rather painful. We don't like being angry with each other and we are careful to make sure that the other understands what we meant by what we said.

More recently my husband, carefully, told me that it might be better for me to get my hair cut shorter rather than growing it out. His reason was that a shorter cut would frame and thin out my face, as it was I was beginning to look a bit chubby. I thanked him and got my hair cut a few days later. This is another example of him knowing that I want to look my best and making a suggestion as to a way to go about it. I appreciated his input and the fact that he loved me enough to bring this issue to my attention. At the salon, getting my hair cut, I did notice slowly as she cut how much thinner my face began to look. Now I have a cut that frames and thins down my ever chubby cheeks.

You see, I would rather hear the truth from my husband who loves me and only wants the best for me than to hear someones opinion who is just being rude and does not care a bit for my feelings. I would rather have people be honest to my face and risk hurting me. I don't like to be flattered, then have that same person say terrible things behind my back or think poorly of me.

Common Sense

Once upon a time children were taught many simple concepts about a variety of different things. many practices from cooking to cleanliness and social skills to basic etiquette. These were ideas that were, and to some extent still are considered common sense and common courtesy, neither of which are very common any more. I was not taught many of these things, and many others in my generation were not taught these basic concepts. Knowledge that was once quite simple to the majority or our society has been set aside for "more enlightened" philosophies. Nowadays there are so many ever changing philosophies that one can hardly keep up. Perhaps because of the "what is good for you is not always good for me" attitude that has become so prevalent. At least as Americans we seem to be self centered, not thinking of how what we do may affect those around us. It is our right after all to be happy, right? Even at the expense of the happiness of others? We deserve. It's our right. We are entitled. Since when?

People are rude and stupid. it's a wonder that other civilized nations tend to see us as evil. There is no respect, for those around us. Zero tolerance has come to mean zero respect for differences in beliefs and culture. It's all about me, so common courtesy is not allowed to play any more. I want to do things my way even if it does not turn out well, so common sense has no place here.

Common sense says that moderation in all things is the healthiest way to live. We are a country of extremes, pushing everything until it breaks. Then when things go wrong, we just sue some one, because it's not our fault, no on warned us. The coffee is hot, it could burn you. Over indulgence of food and little to not exercise can make you obese. My hair dryer electrocuted me when I was using it in the shower. I cut off my fingers using my push mower as a hedge trimmer.
Ridiculous. Common sense should not have to be legislated; people should take responsibility for their own stupidity.

Common courtesy says that placing others above yourself can get you further than placing yourself first. Let a car merge in front of you in traffic. Hold the door for the person or people behind you. Help that old lady with her bags at the store. Pick up the quarter that person dropped and give it back to them. It's not random acts of kindness, it's common courtesy, be a human.

The saying "what goes around comes around" is so true. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Our government should not have to set our standards for us. We call ourselves a civilized nation, yet we act like spoiled children. Wake up. What happened to common sense and common courtesy? Let's find them and practice then once more.