Know thyself

I have been married for nearly eight years now. All the while I have wanted children. I am glad we have waited, even though at times the desire can get overwhelming. I married young, I didn't know myself then. I had ideals, but I never understood how I was going to do what I wanted. I am still an idealist, but now after years of life lessons, hardships, and trials I understand how to bring about the sort of life I want.

My husband and I have a great relationship, we are best friends, soul mates. Our marriage is firmly based on respect, great conversation, and mutual submission. Just as when we met some ten years ago, we can talk for hours about everything. We agree on the important stuff and agree to disagree on the little things. We have endured many trials together and are a great team. We have been forged in the fire and have emerged a solid and sharp blade. The foundation is set, stronger than oak or granite, and as beautiful as marble and diamonds.

A few years back I received a promise from God concerning children, "Not yet." A strange promise I grant you, but a promise nonetheless. For this He meant that we will have children someday, but not yet. At that point it was good enough, a great comfort. Now, after hanging onto that promise for many months, I feel the "not yet" is lifted, meaning we are at least allowed to try. And we have tried for some months now. Who knew that something so sought after could become such a stress. Mind you there are a great many other stresses we have going on in life at this point, but a sudden permission to go about the business of procreation is actually stressful. How ironic it all is. I know we are not the first to experience this, nor will we be the last.

In a month the majority of our other stresses will be gone then perhaps we can relax a bit. There are other things to think about in life outside of the stresses. Presently I am focused o creating a summer reading list. I know that there are always more pounds to lose in working out. I am all about character, parenting is more about who you are and less of what you do. We have a good life, whatever one may see. We are not rich, but we have each other and God to bind us together.

I am nearly thirty years old. I know myself, both strengths and weaknesses, I am as ready to be a parent as I can ever be. I have the model marriage, now I want to be the model mama. My only hesitation is that I am not sure I am ready to share my husband.