I have been married for nearly eight years now. All the while I have wanted children. I am glad we have waited, even though at times the desire can get overwhelming. I married young, I didn't know myself then. I had ideals, but I never understood how I was going to do what I wanted. I am still an idealist, but now after years of life lessons, hardships, and trials I understand how to bring about the sort of life I want.
My husband and I have a great relationship, we are best friends, soul mates. Our marriage is firmly based on respect, great conversation, and mutual submission. Just as when we met some ten years ago, we can talk for hours about everything. We agree on the important stuff and agree to disagree on the little things. We have endured many trials together and are a great team. We have been forged in the fire and have emerged a solid and sharp blade. The foundation is set, stronger than oak or granite, and as beautiful as marble and diamonds.
A few years back I received a promise from God concerning children, "Not yet." A strange promise I grant you, but a promise nonetheless. For this He meant that we will have children someday, but not yet. At that point it was good enough, a great comfort. Now, after hanging onto that promise for many months, I feel the "not yet" is lifted, meaning we are at least allowed to try. And we have tried for some months now. Who knew that something so sought after could become such a stress. Mind you there are a great many other stresses we have going on in life at this point, but a sudden permission to go about the business of procreation is actually stressful. How ironic it all is. I know we are not the first to experience this, nor will we be the last.
In a month the majority of our other stresses will be gone then perhaps we can relax a bit. There are other things to think about in life outside of the stresses. Presently I am focused o creating a summer reading list. I know that there are always more pounds to lose in working out. I am all about character, parenting is more about who you are and less of what you do. We have a good life, whatever one may see. We are not rich, but we have each other and God to bind us together.
I am nearly thirty years old. I know myself, both strengths and weaknesses, I am as ready to be a parent as I can ever be. I have the model marriage, now I want to be the model mama. My only hesitation is that I am not sure I am ready to share my husband.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Put a bag over your head
One day a few years back, I was rather ill and not looking the best. I may be poor, but I do take a bit of pride in looking presentable , even in the privacy of my own home. I asked my husband to go get the mail, a task I enjoy doing myself, and he asked me why I didn't want to do it myself. I told him that there was a man working on the new forced air system in the entry way, and I knew that I did not look my best, being sick and all. He jokingly said, "put a bag over your head."
(And just for the record he did go get the mail for me, and yes we do regularly joke with one another like that. We respect each other enough to never say anything that harsh to the other in a serious manner, ever.)
Now most women would have a fit if their husband said this to them, under any circumstances. I laughed. My husband knows how important it is to me to look well and he understood my insecurity in being seen in that state by this perfect stranger. He was, as we call it "speaking the truth in love." I know my husband loves me more than anything, and he is willing to tell me the truth even if he knows it may hurt a bit at first. I do the same for him. We are very open in our communication and careful to convey thoughts in a way that the other will understand. We rarely fight any more, we discuss. We don't bring up past issues, we don't say things purposely to hurt one another, and we are careful when broaching subjects that have in the past been rather painful. We don't like being angry with each other and we are careful to make sure that the other understands what we meant by what we said.
More recently my husband, carefully, told me that it might be better for me to get my hair cut shorter rather than growing it out. His reason was that a shorter cut would frame and thin out my face, as it was I was beginning to look a bit chubby. I thanked him and got my hair cut a few days later. This is another example of him knowing that I want to look my best and making a suggestion as to a way to go about it. I appreciated his input and the fact that he loved me enough to bring this issue to my attention. At the salon, getting my hair cut, I did notice slowly as she cut how much thinner my face began to look. Now I have a cut that frames and thins down my ever chubby cheeks.
You see, I would rather hear the truth from my husband who loves me and only wants the best for me than to hear someones opinion who is just being rude and does not care a bit for my feelings. I would rather have people be honest to my face and risk hurting me. I don't like to be flattered, then have that same person say terrible things behind my back or think poorly of me.
(And just for the record he did go get the mail for me, and yes we do regularly joke with one another like that. We respect each other enough to never say anything that harsh to the other in a serious manner, ever.)
Now most women would have a fit if their husband said this to them, under any circumstances. I laughed. My husband knows how important it is to me to look well and he understood my insecurity in being seen in that state by this perfect stranger. He was, as we call it "speaking the truth in love." I know my husband loves me more than anything, and he is willing to tell me the truth even if he knows it may hurt a bit at first. I do the same for him. We are very open in our communication and careful to convey thoughts in a way that the other will understand. We rarely fight any more, we discuss. We don't bring up past issues, we don't say things purposely to hurt one another, and we are careful when broaching subjects that have in the past been rather painful. We don't like being angry with each other and we are careful to make sure that the other understands what we meant by what we said.
More recently my husband, carefully, told me that it might be better for me to get my hair cut shorter rather than growing it out. His reason was that a shorter cut would frame and thin out my face, as it was I was beginning to look a bit chubby. I thanked him and got my hair cut a few days later. This is another example of him knowing that I want to look my best and making a suggestion as to a way to go about it. I appreciated his input and the fact that he loved me enough to bring this issue to my attention. At the salon, getting my hair cut, I did notice slowly as she cut how much thinner my face began to look. Now I have a cut that frames and thins down my ever chubby cheeks.
You see, I would rather hear the truth from my husband who loves me and only wants the best for me than to hear someones opinion who is just being rude and does not care a bit for my feelings. I would rather have people be honest to my face and risk hurting me. I don't like to be flattered, then have that same person say terrible things behind my back or think poorly of me.
Common Sense
Once upon a time children were taught many simple concepts about a variety of different things. many practices from cooking to cleanliness and social skills to basic etiquette. These were ideas that were, and to some extent still are considered common sense and common courtesy, neither of which are very common any more. I was not taught many of these things, and many others in my generation were not taught these basic concepts. Knowledge that was once quite simple to the majority or our society has been set aside for "more enlightened" philosophies. Nowadays there are so many ever changing philosophies that one can hardly keep up. Perhaps because of the "what is good for you is not always good for me" attitude that has become so prevalent. At least as Americans we seem to be self centered, not thinking of how what we do may affect those around us. It is our right after all to be happy, right? Even at the expense of the happiness of others? We deserve. It's our right. We are entitled. Since when?
People are rude and stupid. it's a wonder that other civilized nations tend to see us as evil. There is no respect, for those around us. Zero tolerance has come to mean zero respect for differences in beliefs and culture. It's all about me, so common courtesy is not allowed to play any more. I want to do things my way even if it does not turn out well, so common sense has no place here.
Common sense says that moderation in all things is the healthiest way to live. We are a country of extremes, pushing everything until it breaks. Then when things go wrong, we just sue some one, because it's not our fault, no on warned us. The coffee is hot, it could burn you. Over indulgence of food and little to not exercise can make you obese. My hair dryer electrocuted me when I was using it in the shower. I cut off my fingers using my push mower as a hedge trimmer.
Ridiculous. Common sense should not have to be legislated; people should take responsibility for their own stupidity.
Common courtesy says that placing others above yourself can get you further than placing yourself first. Let a car merge in front of you in traffic. Hold the door for the person or people behind you. Help that old lady with her bags at the store. Pick up the quarter that person dropped and give it back to them. It's not random acts of kindness, it's common courtesy, be a human.
The saying "what goes around comes around" is so true. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Our government should not have to set our standards for us. We call ourselves a civilized nation, yet we act like spoiled children. Wake up. What happened to common sense and common courtesy? Let's find them and practice then once more.
People are rude and stupid. it's a wonder that other civilized nations tend to see us as evil. There is no respect, for those around us. Zero tolerance has come to mean zero respect for differences in beliefs and culture. It's all about me, so common courtesy is not allowed to play any more. I want to do things my way even if it does not turn out well, so common sense has no place here.
Common sense says that moderation in all things is the healthiest way to live. We are a country of extremes, pushing everything until it breaks. Then when things go wrong, we just sue some one, because it's not our fault, no on warned us. The coffee is hot, it could burn you. Over indulgence of food and little to not exercise can make you obese. My hair dryer electrocuted me when I was using it in the shower. I cut off my fingers using my push mower as a hedge trimmer.
Ridiculous. Common sense should not have to be legislated; people should take responsibility for their own stupidity.
Common courtesy says that placing others above yourself can get you further than placing yourself first. Let a car merge in front of you in traffic. Hold the door for the person or people behind you. Help that old lady with her bags at the store. Pick up the quarter that person dropped and give it back to them. It's not random acts of kindness, it's common courtesy, be a human.
The saying "what goes around comes around" is so true. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Our government should not have to set our standards for us. We call ourselves a civilized nation, yet we act like spoiled children. Wake up. What happened to common sense and common courtesy? Let's find them and practice then once more.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Mind your own business!
"They're sitting down already, they just got here."
"Did you see that? She took her break earlier and when she got back she just sat there and talked for an hour."
"Whoever was this position yesterday didn't do this."
"Did you see the mess they left for him."
These are the words of people who seem to be more concerned with what others are or ar not doing than their own business. If you don't worry about what everyone else is or isn't doing, you would get a lot more done.
"Mind your own business." this is a line I heard a lot from my second grade teacher. For some time I forgot about it, but suddenly, lately it has been resounding in my mind. Thank you Mrs. Calrose. I tire of hearing others, especially those older than I commenting or complaining about the doings or non-doings of others. I don't care who did what or not at all; even if it effects me directly or indirectly. Shut up and do you r job. If no one notices that you do it well, take ownership and do it well for yourself. Ripping on others and minding their business monly maintains your own misery and bringing others down with you is selfish and mean.
I like my job, I don't like everyone I work with, but the duties themselves are reasonable and I enjoy doing each one well. I try not to notice what others are or are not doing, as long as all of the tasks get done, who cares who did them.
"But they just slacked off all day and I worked so hard." suck it up. There's nothing you can do about it. And as my mother always said,
"Is this a battle to see who can do the least?" Do your job, do it well. Do their job, do it well. There is reward in it, if you want to see it.
I admit I get frustrated when I come back after a day or so off and see that things weren't done the way I would do them or the way they should have been done, but i don't expect anything any more. Not everyone takes pride in their work, not everyone cares, I do. I don't condem those who don't do things my way, so long as the work gets done, I don't care who does it. There are times that I prefer to have things left undone by others, even if it was their job to do it on the day. Then I can do the job my way and I can take pride in having done the task well. When things are left undone or not done well, it means more work for me, fantastic. I like to be busy, I thrive on stress and a bit of pressure to get things done on time and done well.
It is sometimes hard to turn a blind eye to other peoples laziness or incompotence, especially when those around you are constantly pointing it out to you. Put on blinders, look at all that falls into your area and duty roster. Do it all, do it well, and take pride in your work. Don't look at what others are or are not doing, pay attention to what you are doing, and you will get a lot more done. If you end up doing more than someone else, good for you. If you work harder than those around you, so much the better. In any case mind your own business.
"Did you see that? She took her break earlier and when she got back she just sat there and talked for an hour."
"Whoever was this position yesterday didn't do this."
"Did you see the mess they left for him."
These are the words of people who seem to be more concerned with what others are or ar not doing than their own business. If you don't worry about what everyone else is or isn't doing, you would get a lot more done.
"Mind your own business." this is a line I heard a lot from my second grade teacher. For some time I forgot about it, but suddenly, lately it has been resounding in my mind. Thank you Mrs. Calrose. I tire of hearing others, especially those older than I commenting or complaining about the doings or non-doings of others. I don't care who did what or not at all; even if it effects me directly or indirectly. Shut up and do you r job. If no one notices that you do it well, take ownership and do it well for yourself. Ripping on others and minding their business monly maintains your own misery and bringing others down with you is selfish and mean.
I like my job, I don't like everyone I work with, but the duties themselves are reasonable and I enjoy doing each one well. I try not to notice what others are or are not doing, as long as all of the tasks get done, who cares who did them.
"But they just slacked off all day and I worked so hard." suck it up. There's nothing you can do about it. And as my mother always said,
"Is this a battle to see who can do the least?" Do your job, do it well. Do their job, do it well. There is reward in it, if you want to see it.
I admit I get frustrated when I come back after a day or so off and see that things weren't done the way I would do them or the way they should have been done, but i don't expect anything any more. Not everyone takes pride in their work, not everyone cares, I do. I don't condem those who don't do things my way, so long as the work gets done, I don't care who does it. There are times that I prefer to have things left undone by others, even if it was their job to do it on the day. Then I can do the job my way and I can take pride in having done the task well. When things are left undone or not done well, it means more work for me, fantastic. I like to be busy, I thrive on stress and a bit of pressure to get things done on time and done well.
It is sometimes hard to turn a blind eye to other peoples laziness or incompotence, especially when those around you are constantly pointing it out to you. Put on blinders, look at all that falls into your area and duty roster. Do it all, do it well, and take pride in your work. Don't look at what others are or are not doing, pay attention to what you are doing, and you will get a lot more done. If you end up doing more than someone else, good for you. If you work harder than those around you, so much the better. In any case mind your own business.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Oh, you'll changer your mind...
I heard it again the other day, "Oh, you'll change your mind..." This was in response to my commenting on how I did not plan to be at my current jobs in a few years in hopes that I would be home caring for babies. I have heard this flippant comment from so many.
Why? Why would I chose to trust someone else to rear my children rather than do it for myself? Why would I put my child in a daycare center after so many years of wanting children to care for myself? Why would I spend money to do something I can do on my own? Why would I go back to work where I cannot control my environment or chose the people I am around all day? Why would I leave my baby to the care of someone I don't know and may not be able to trust? Why would I wait nearly eight years to have children, only to hand them over to a stranger when they're six weeks old?
The best person to care for my children is me and/or my husband. Outside of that only trusted relatives and close friends are allowed to care for my child(ren) in my absence. I know what is best for my child, they are my responsibility and that of no one else. The Bible charges me and my husband with how our children turn out, not my parents, not my in-laws, not Kimmy Teenager from down the hall, and not psychotic, lazy, state funded daycare teacher lady. No way, my child is my responsibility, from birth to college, that child is mine.
The other instance where I have been told, "Oh, you'll change you r mind..." is when I tell people I would like to have a natural child birth; no drugs, no one telling me what to do. My response to this is, Bugger off. I don't like pharmasutical companies (or their products) and medical people telling me that I don't know my body or what to do. America is the only developed country in the world where more than 95% of births take place in hospitals, and our infant mortality rate is higher than all those other developed counrties combined. I will probably have my children at a hospital, (if I can't go to a birthing center), but I will have a birth plan to let the staff know what I expect. I have a high tolerance for pain, and I want to feel everything to remind me that all the pain is woth the end result. I am a bull headed cuss, and I will do things my way.
I live next to a hospital, and I work there. Nothing says I have to rush right over as soon as I think the baby is comming. If my husband isn't home, I could see myself doing it on my own here at home.
Why? Why would I chose to trust someone else to rear my children rather than do it for myself? Why would I put my child in a daycare center after so many years of wanting children to care for myself? Why would I spend money to do something I can do on my own? Why would I go back to work where I cannot control my environment or chose the people I am around all day? Why would I leave my baby to the care of someone I don't know and may not be able to trust? Why would I wait nearly eight years to have children, only to hand them over to a stranger when they're six weeks old?
The best person to care for my children is me and/or my husband. Outside of that only trusted relatives and close friends are allowed to care for my child(ren) in my absence. I know what is best for my child, they are my responsibility and that of no one else. The Bible charges me and my husband with how our children turn out, not my parents, not my in-laws, not Kimmy Teenager from down the hall, and not psychotic, lazy, state funded daycare teacher lady. No way, my child is my responsibility, from birth to college, that child is mine.
The other instance where I have been told, "Oh, you'll change you r mind..." is when I tell people I would like to have a natural child birth; no drugs, no one telling me what to do. My response to this is, Bugger off. I don't like pharmasutical companies (or their products) and medical people telling me that I don't know my body or what to do. America is the only developed country in the world where more than 95% of births take place in hospitals, and our infant mortality rate is higher than all those other developed counrties combined. I will probably have my children at a hospital, (if I can't go to a birthing center), but I will have a birth plan to let the staff know what I expect. I have a high tolerance for pain, and I want to feel everything to remind me that all the pain is woth the end result. I am a bull headed cuss, and I will do things my way.
I live next to a hospital, and I work there. Nothing says I have to rush right over as soon as I think the baby is comming. If my husband isn't home, I could see myself doing it on my own here at home.
Monday, March 23, 2009
"It'll be different when they're your own kids..."
These word ring in my ears on a regular basis and I hate them. Why? Why would unacceptable behavior suddenly become more acceptable because it is my own children? Why would whining, screaming, crying, tantrums, and disobedience annoy me less coming from my children? My mother didn't accept it from us, why should I accept it from my children.
I believe in training with a switch, Biblical chastisement, homeschooling, healthy snacks and meals, and structured schedules. I expect that when I read in the Bible what good children should be when parented properly that I can get the results that the Bible describes. From the description of parenting from most parents, I wonder why they even have children at all? And if they have more than one, why? unless by accident.
The song "What's the Matter with Kids these Days?" always irks me. The matter with children is lack of training from lazy parents. Children are allowed to be the way they become, and people call it normal. I can't accept that.
How is it easier to allow the child to run the home? How is that any way to live for anyone? How is it easier to tolerate disobedience and foster selfcenteredness? Why would I want to do what is easier for me and not do what is beast for my child, my family as a whole, and the rest of society?
What is so impossible about expecting first time and cheerful obedience from a two or three year old? Why should I reward my fussy baby with attention? Why should I have to put all of my nice things away for fear that my children will break them?
I accept that I am idealistic, but my ideals are based on what the Bible says is possible. I believe that there are women out there who display the characteristics described in Proverbs 31. I myself may not have achieved such a feet, but I strive for it daily. If women can accomplish what it is to be a Godly wife and men can accomplish what it means to be a Godly husband, then how does logic serve that these godly husbands and wives would have spoiled and disobedient children? My brain cannot be wrapped around this concept.
I am not perfect and I do not fancy myself all knowing or wise, but I have seen the results of good parenting, rare as it may be. I know that it can be done. I have read books, heard testimony, seen the results of what children can be if the parents take the time and effort to train, teach, and discipline their children properly.
Parenting is one of the most difficult assignments God had given humans and I don't think people take it as seriously as they should. teaching new people to be people is hard. As someone without children and who wants four of them, the prospect of that kind of responsibility is frankly quite terrifying. I pray that I have the strength of character it takes to rear up Godly children. But it is something I know I can do.
I believe in training with a switch, Biblical chastisement, homeschooling, healthy snacks and meals, and structured schedules. I expect that when I read in the Bible what good children should be when parented properly that I can get the results that the Bible describes. From the description of parenting from most parents, I wonder why they even have children at all? And if they have more than one, why? unless by accident.
The song "What's the Matter with Kids these Days?" always irks me. The matter with children is lack of training from lazy parents. Children are allowed to be the way they become, and people call it normal. I can't accept that.
How is it easier to allow the child to run the home? How is that any way to live for anyone? How is it easier to tolerate disobedience and foster selfcenteredness? Why would I want to do what is easier for me and not do what is beast for my child, my family as a whole, and the rest of society?
What is so impossible about expecting first time and cheerful obedience from a two or three year old? Why should I reward my fussy baby with attention? Why should I have to put all of my nice things away for fear that my children will break them?
I accept that I am idealistic, but my ideals are based on what the Bible says is possible. I believe that there are women out there who display the characteristics described in Proverbs 31. I myself may not have achieved such a feet, but I strive for it daily. If women can accomplish what it is to be a Godly wife and men can accomplish what it means to be a Godly husband, then how does logic serve that these godly husbands and wives would have spoiled and disobedient children? My brain cannot be wrapped around this concept.
I am not perfect and I do not fancy myself all knowing or wise, but I have seen the results of good parenting, rare as it may be. I know that it can be done. I have read books, heard testimony, seen the results of what children can be if the parents take the time and effort to train, teach, and discipline their children properly.
Parenting is one of the most difficult assignments God had given humans and I don't think people take it as seriously as they should. teaching new people to be people is hard. As someone without children and who wants four of them, the prospect of that kind of responsibility is frankly quite terrifying. I pray that I have the strength of character it takes to rear up Godly children. But it is something I know I can do.
"That's just the way it is..."
I heard these words a lot when I was a teen, from my step dad. I hated it. There was no explanation, no alternatives, no thinking outside the box. There was only one perspective to see things from and nothing else was ever considered. Now I am very nearly thirty years old and I am hearing it again.
Why? Why are things the way they are? Why can't they change? Why must I conform to what they tell me is true? Why can't i do things differently? Why should I accept another persons para digm as my own when I can see things differently from them?
Are they afraid that I might do better than they? The problem is that the contradict one another. I receive encouragement from one small group of people and extreme discouragement from the rest of the world.
My world view is different, I want to do things differently. I have never been a proponent of normal. For example on my wedding day: I went to McDonald's for breakfast; we had the reception before the ceremony, a lunch of Subway sandwiches; and cake, ice cream, and gifts afterward. Everything was done by 4p.m. And the night before, at our rehearsal dinner, we had pizza and soda at the church.
So you see, I am not one for doing what everyone else does. I may be a sheep in many other ways, but I am willing to go another route even when the rest of the flock says, "that's baaad."
Why? Why are things the way they are? Why can't they change? Why must I conform to what they tell me is true? Why can't i do things differently? Why should I accept another persons para digm as my own when I can see things differently from them?
Are they afraid that I might do better than they? The problem is that the contradict one another. I receive encouragement from one small group of people and extreme discouragement from the rest of the world.
My world view is different, I want to do things differently. I have never been a proponent of normal. For example on my wedding day: I went to McDonald's for breakfast; we had the reception before the ceremony, a lunch of Subway sandwiches; and cake, ice cream, and gifts afterward. Everything was done by 4p.m. And the night before, at our rehearsal dinner, we had pizza and soda at the church.
So you see, I am not one for doing what everyone else does. I may be a sheep in many other ways, but I am willing to go another route even when the rest of the flock says, "that's baaad."
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